"Be careful who you make memories with. Those things last a lifetime." - Ugo Eze
"And it's stupid." I told her. "I know it's stupid, but I still think that way. Every single time. I can't stop myself." Just telling her was a relief in itself.
"Yea," she countered in that gentle way that she normally does, "That past thing - it has a way of sticking with you sometimes. My husband and I each struggled mightily for a long time."
"It's like a suitcase," I spit out. "That shit follows you around wherever you go."
And isn't that just the truth? Whether you like it or not, the past that you've lived follows you right on into the future you crave. And there's not really a whole lot you can do about it.
I've said it 1,000 times. This divorce thing is no joke. Healing a broken heart is no damn joke. Walking slowly through a new relationship is no joke. It's work every single day. And you know what? It's work because this whole time, I've been slinging a thirty pound suitcase along with me. And no matter how much I'd rather just leave that suitcase behind? It just doesn't matter. Because the only thing that makes that biz go away is unpacking it.
How's that for an earth shattering metaphor? Unpack your past. And put it away.
Cheryl Strayed - one of my favorite women of all time - says that you have to let it gut you. To open yourself. And then that's where you start. Let me tell you ... there's nothing more gutting - more harsh - than divorce. So you lay your business bare and then you pick up with someone else, and you have to tell that other person a few things:
1) Meet my suitcase.
2) Deal with my suitcase.
3) Maybe carry my suitcase for me sometimes.
4) Sure! There's room for some of your stuff in my suitcase.
We carry some big things in those bad boys. Problems with self-worth. Problems with faithfulness. Problems with abandonment. Problems with they-did-me-wrongs. Problems with failure. And it can be frustrating to know that it's trailing behind you, waiting for the perfect time to take you down a peg or two.
And I don't have any advice. I don't have any way to help you "unpack" and "put away". I don't have any quick fix, or cute acronym to help you remember. I'm not even going to tell you that it gets better, or even that your suitcase might be the fun kind with wheels.
What I AM going to tell you is to take care of yourself, lovies. And watch out for your toes. Because when those babies roll over your feet, it hurts like a bitch.
. About Moi .
I love, love, love flannel sheets and I am really passionate about lists on post it notes and most of the time I'm sad that no one else is as excited as I am about Diet Mountain Dew. I also adore run-on sentences.
He saw her before he saw
anything else in the room.
- F. Scott Fitzgerald
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